A guide to what goes on when the campaigning is over
7am. Take up position at the entrance to a city centre polling station, as a teller for the Green Party. Put on the party rosette which resembles the badges stuck on pigs for winning first prize at an agricultural show. Lib Dem and Labour also arrive, but no sign of Tories – we collectively assume that they have no hope of winning a seat in the ward, so are putting their efforts into winnable areas. Labour have misread the rules on what can be shown on a rosette and have deleted their party name. Realise I’ve forgotten to bring a book to read. Sporadic chat amongst the tellers. 40 voters in the first two hours after the polls open. But then we’re not really a city of early risers.
What is telling?
It’s about getting the maximum number of people to vote. When canvassing support on the doorstep, political parties make a note of people who say they will support them. When a person comes to the polling station to vote, tellers will ask for their individual polling number, and send back lists of those who have voted to the party’s local HQ. These lists are matched against the list of known party supporters, to identify who hasn’t voted. Known supporters who haven’t voted are then visited and encouraged to vote; and known supporters who have voted are not bothered again on the day. Tellers don’t know how people vote – only that they have voted.
9am. Hand over the telling sheets to my relief. Coffee, and home.
11am. Back at the polling station for the second of my two-hour stints. Still no Tory. Several voters come to wrong polling station because they’ve always voted there, and now find that following the ward boundary changes they should be voting somewhere else. We politely ask a youth for his polling number, and his girlfriend is about to proffer hers when he looks hard at us, says “nah”, and walks off. We conclude he’s voting Tory. Another voter looks at the Labour red rosette – without words – and asks the teller which party he’s from.
1pm. Handover and home for lunch. Hear that Barnet Council in London has turned voters away because the polling station was using an incomplete electoral register.
3pm. Third shift begins. Still no Tory. Discussion among the three of us about when the result will be announced. No one believes it will be by 2am, as suggested by the Returning Officer, and opinion varies as between 3am and 5am. A voter asks me about the Green Party candidates. I intone, in a voice that brooks no argument, that electoral law forbids a teller from discussing the merits of candidates when in the vicinity of a polling station. And I feel a bit of a prat, even though it’s a sensible rule.
5pm. Handover and home.
6pm. We go out and vote. Do my good deed for the Green Party in the local council election. Write a complaint on my Police and Crime Commissioner ballot form rather than vote for a collection of people I’ve never heard of, or from. Wonder why the government thought directly elected PCCs would be more “accountable” than the police authorities they replaced.
10pm. Arrive at the count, where I am officially a “Counting Agent” and have a pass to prove it. Because everyone has three votes and not everyone gives all three to a single party, the counting process is protracted. First, separate out the PCC ballot papers to be dealt with elsewhere. Second, check the number of ballot papers is correct – and keep recounting until it is. Third, separate out the ballot papers where all the votes are for the same party, and count them. Fourth, subject the papers where the voter has chosen one than one party to a technique known as the “grass skirt”. Fifth, identify unclear or spoiled ballot papers, and check the total number of ballot papers is still correct.
Finally, candidates and agents agree with the returning officer – the person in charge – what papers can be disregarded as spoiled or unclear.
And then, ward by ward, the result is announced, though the overall position was clear long before then. Thanks to our appalling first past the past system, Labour got three-quarters of the seats with less than 45% of the available votes, while the Greens and UKIP got no seats despite having over 12% of the available votes between them.
4.15am. Go home. Go to bed.
 This is too complex to explain here, but those interested can watch a video at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fwPlhwiI418